PDA Language Checklist

A practical, compassionate tool for rethinking how we describe behaviour in PDA and neurodivergent children.

Too often, children are misunderstood because the language used to describe them focuses on control, defiance, or deficits — rather than what they’re really communicating.

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This printable invites parents, educators, and professionals to pause, reflect, and shift towards more affirming, respectful language that honours children’s needs and nervous systems.

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What’s Included:

A 2-page downloadable checklist with side-by-side alternatives for commonly used terms, designed to help you reframe outdated or pathologising descriptions.

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The categories include:

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Traditional Behaviour Labels
Phrases like “refuses to follow instructions” or “manipulative behaviour” — and how they might be understood differently through a PDA-informed lens.

Reframed, Compassionate Alternatives
Language that fosters connection and curiosity, such as “prioritises autonomy” or “communicates overwhelm through behaviour.”

Reflection Prompts
Space to consider what the child’s behaviour might be expressing, and how we can respond in trauma-informed, collaborative ways.

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This is not a word-policing exercise — it’s a gentle, practical invitation to shift our lens and support children on their own terms.

 

Who It’s For:

• Parents and carers wanting to support their PDA child in ways that centre trust and understanding

• Teachers, SENCos, and learning support staff looking to use more inclusive, accurate language in classroom discussions and reports

• Therapists and allied professionals aiming to work in neurodiversity-affirming, trauma-informed ways

• Anyone unlearning deficit-based frameworks and embracing curiosity over control

 

Why It Matters:

Words shape how we see children, and how they see themselves.

When we move away from language that implies bad behaviour or wilful

disobedience, and instead ask what’s this behaviour trying to tell me?

we open up new pathways to connection, safety, and authentic support.

This checklist is a starting point for doing just that...

in classrooms, at home, or in care settings.