Beyond Compliance: How to Talk About PDA in Schools

As a parent or carer of a child with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), you know that communicating your child’s needs to educators can be eye watering. PDA, currently believed to be a profile on the autism spectrum (though there are those that contest this idea, see my previous blog for more information!), is characterised by a high level of anxiety in response to everyday demands, losses of autonomy or control or feeling inferior to others, leading to behaviours that are often misunderstood and misinterpreted in school environments. To ensure your child gets the support they need, effective communication with educators is key. This guide offers practical strategies for parents to have productive conversations with teachers, school administrators, and other educational professionals.

Understanding PDA

PDA is currently thought to be a behaviour profile within the autism spectrum that manifests as an overwhelming need to avoid everyday demands due to intense anxiety. Children with PDA may appear non-compliant or oppositional, but these behaviours stem from a need to feel in control in order to manage that anxiety - not because they’re ‘bossy’, badly parented or badly behaved. 

Traditional approaches to managing autism or behaviour in schools often don’t work for children with PDA because they are usually behaviourist in their approach (rewarding ‘good’ behaviour and punishing ‘bad’ behaviour). Why doesn’t this work for PDA children I hear you ask? The behaviourist approach is based on the belief that children can make conscious decisions about (and are in control of) their behaviour, implying that using rewards and punishments can effectively shape their actions. This perspective assumes that, with the right incentives, any child can be steered towards appropriate behaviour. However, this view often fails with children who have PDA (as well as many other things). Their behaviour is mainly driven by anxiety and the need to evade perceived demands, rather than a deliberate choice to misbehave. As a result, these children struggle to simply ‘decide’ to follow rules or requests, rendering the behaviourist approach ineffective. Instead, it’s crucial to focus on understanding the underlying anxiety and creating a supportive environment that alleviates pressure and empowers the child. If a child feels safe in their environment and with the people around them, they not only show far fewer avoidance behaviours but can actually begin to thrive educationally, emotionally and socially. THAT is the key to moving towards wanted outcomes.

In an educational setting, this can translate into significant challenges as most settings are unwilling to make the monumental move away from these behaviourist approaches towards more evidence based and less childist ones. One school that blew my socks off when it comes to throwing the book at traditionalist ideas of what a school should look like, in terms of behaviour management, is St. Luke’s Primary School in Brighton. Click on their name to read their behaviour management policy over a glass of wine and marvel at just how ahead of the curve they are. So, if your child’s setting tells you that moving away from punishments and rewards would never work and would lead to chaos - take a look at that Ofsted graded Outstanding school and hand them a print out with a smile.

Where were we… Oh yes.

Preparing for the Conversation

Before speaking to your child’s teachers or school administrators, it’s important to prepare thoroughly. Start by gathering any relevant documentation, such as diagnosis reports, assessments, or recommendations from professionals who have worked with your child. You may also want to bring along information on strategies that have been successful at home.

When entering the conversation, remember to be clear about your child’s specific needs. Explain that while they are very capable of learning, they may need a more flexible approach or timetable than other students. Emphasise that the goal is not to excuse certain behaviours but to help the child feel safe and supported enough that the need for these behaviours lessens, which allows them to engage in learning. It’s important to approach these conversations with empathy as in my experience, many educators are not familiar with PDA, so you may find yourself with a professional genuinely trying to do their best but who simply lacks understanding.

Key Points to Communicate

During your conversation with educators, there are several critical points to cover:

1. Explain What PDA Is: Begin by describing PDA and how it differs from other autism profiles. Highlight that anxiety-driven demand avoidance is at the core of your child’s behaviour, and that traditional behavioural strategies might not be effective.

2. Stress the Importance of Flexibility: Educators need to understand that reducing demands and offering choices is essential. For example, instead of instructing the child to “finish this writing off now,” the teacher could offer options, such as “You can choose to do this now or after lunch,” which gives the child a sense of control.

3. Provide Concrete Strategies: Share specific strategies that have worked for your child at home, such as using indirect language or incorporating humour and games to make tasks feel less like demands. In my son's classroom I have provided a small bean bag which I found in a charity shop (absolute bargain), a bag with his fidget toys, his ear defenders and a Pokémon encyclopaedia (his special interest) which is kept in their cosy reading corner. My son knows that when he is feeling overwhelmed that he is allowed to go to that corner to help him to regulate. Importantly, the teaching staff understand that refusing access to this area and these resources is ableist and no different from refusing a child with physical access difficulties the use of their wheelchair. 

4. Offer Examples or Scripts: Providing scripts can be particularly useful for educators. For instance, instead of saying “You need to finish your work,” teachers could say “Let’s see if we can work through this together” or “I wonder if we can finish this task before the break.” If teaching staff find it tricky to come up with declarative language, suggest to them that they could type into Chat GPT (as an example) ‘Give me 50 declarative statements that I could use to help me to support a student with PDA in my class’ - and see what comes up!

Collaborative Problem-Solving

Working together with educators is key to creating an effective support plan for your child - as difficult as it can be. Encourage a collaborative approach by being open to suggestions from teachers and sharing your insights into what has worked for your child at home. Together, you can create an Individualised Education Plan (IEP) or similar action plan that outlines specific strategies, accommodations, and goals tailored to your child’s needs. Keep reviewing these as they will change over time. Call out any goals or expectations that are unrealistic or ableist and be ready to advocate for your child if something in the document doesn’t ‘sit right’ with you as a parent.

Addressing Concerns and Challenges

It’s natural for educators to have concerns or face challenges when implementing strategies for PDA. They may worry (as mentioned previously) that giving your child more flexibility could lead to less structure in the classroom, or that ‘if they do these things for your child then all of the other children will want those things too’ - I despair. Acknowledge these concerns and offering practical solutions, such as suggesting professional development opportunities like our ‘Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) Parents and Carers’ course or sharing additional resources like our PDA blogs may help to broaden their understanding and support your child more holistically.

Be patient and persistent - she says through gritted teeth. Change may not happen overnight, but with consistent communication and collaboration, your child’s school experience can improve. If necessary, seek external support from advocates or specialists to assist in navigating more complex challenges. I also think it’s important to remember that if it doesn’t work out, that’s okay too. Everyone’s PDA journey is so different and the constraints and privileges we have are completely unique. Try not to compare your journey to anyone else's or expect that you will travel a similar path. 

Conclusion

Effective communication between parents and educators is crucial for supporting children with PDA in educational settings. Remember, you know your child best, and with the right approach, you can help educators understand PDA and create a more supportive learning environment.

If you have any questions or would like to share your experiences, feel free to leave a comment below. For more detailed guidance on PDA, check out our SENDinMama courses and resources designed to support both parents and educators in understanding neurodiverse profiles like PDA.

Please feel free to ‘like’ this blog!