Frozen Out: Why Children with SEND and Neurodiversity Are Left Behind in Our Education System

Imagine this: You’re the (exhausted) parent of a wonderfully bright, curious child who happens to process the world differently. You’ve worked tirelessly to advocate for them, ensuring they have the best start in life despite challenges that others might not fully understand. Then one day, you realise that the education system — designed to nurture and support children which you have dedicated your entire career to as a teacher and at one point really believed in — isn’t built for children like yours. And suddenly, you’re left with nowhere to turn.

This is my family’s story. It’s the story of countless other families across the UK who are being frozen out of an education system that claims to be inclusive but leaves children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) and neurodiversity (ND) without a place to thrive.

A Rock and a Hard Place

My son is autistic with a Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) profile. He is also a Gestalt Language Processor (GLP), currently working between stages 2 and 4 of the Natural Language Acquisition model. Despite these challenges, he’s bright, communicative, and eager to learn—when supported in the right way.

He currently attends Reception at a local primary school three days a week on reduced hours. The school agreed to this arrangement because he isn’t yet of legal school age. But as he turns 5 this December, everything changes.

The school has informed us that they won’t support a flexi-schooling arrangement—a middle-ground option offered by 20% of UK schools. Their reasoning? Simply, “we don’t do that here.” This leaves us with an impossible choice: force him into a full-time schedule he can’t handle or withdraw him completely. Knowing that increasing his hours would likely lead to burnout and trauma, we’ve had no choice but to pull him out entirely.

As a primary school teacher with 12 years of experience, a specialism in SEND, neurodiversity and Mental Health, a Master’s degree in Education, and the Founder of SENDinMama which provides training to Education Professionals (like them!) in this exact area, I hoped that my experience would reassure the school that I was a suitable person to accommodate the required learning needs at home to make this arrangement successful. It wasn’t. I’ll begin home schooling him in January, waving goodbye to my career and personal aspirations, which is hard.

I am one of the privileged ones who has the flexibility to do that, to leave my job and have my husbands salary cover our needs - what of those families who can’t? What of the single parent families? So often they are forced to make impossible choices, forcing their children into settings that they know aren’t suitable for them and having their hearts break as they are powerless to prevent the, sometimes life-long, trauma this can cause.

The SEND Crisis: A System in Freefall

Our story isn’t unique. The SEND system in the UK is in crisis. Recent data shows:

- Over 1.8 million pupils in England are identified as having SEND, yet thousands are left without appropriate school placements.

- Requests for Education, Health, and Care Plans (EHCPs) have skyrocketed, with a 90% increase since 2016, but many are rejected or delayed beyond legal timeframes.

- Families are turning to home schooling in record numbers; 22% of children withdrawn from school in 2023 had SEND needs that weren’t being met.

At the heart of this crisis lies a fundamental issue: the education system is designed to cater to the “average” child. For children like my son, who fall between the cracks of mainstream and special education, there are no suitable options.

Mainstream schools often rely on rigid behaviourist systems—reward charts, punishments, and strict routines—that don’t align with the needs of neurodivergent children. At the same time, special schools, already stretched beyond capacity, reject children like my son because they don’t meet the criteria of “severe” needs.

The Forgotten Children

So, where do the “middle ground” children go?

For children like mine, the answer too often is: nowhere. They are caught in a system that views flexibility as a luxury rather than a necessity.

Mainstream schools could adapt, but many don’t. Behaviourist approaches to education, such as traffic-light behaviour charts and reward systems, are incompatible with PDA profiles, where perceived demands trigger anxiety. Sensory sensitivities, struggles with transitions, and the need for autonomy require a more flexible approach—one that isn’t widely practiced. On the other hand, special schools operate under strict admission criteria. My son doesn’t qualify because he is verbal, academically capable, and doesn’t have intellectual impairments. These criteria exclude many autistic children, despite their profound struggles in traditional settings.

A Call for Change

The UK education system needs urgent reform to address the SEND crisis. Here are some practical steps that could make a difference:

1. Expand Flexi-Schooling Options

Flexi-schooling offers a hybrid model, allowing children to attend part-time while receiving additional support at home. It’s already practiced by 20% of schools, proving it’s a viable solution.

2. Invest in SEND Training for Educators

Teachers and school leaders need training on neurodiversity and PDA-friendly approaches to behaviour management. Understanding the child is the first step to meeting their needs.

3. Create Middle-Ground Schools

We need more inclusive, hybrid environments designed for children who don’t fit into existing models. These could include smaller class sizes, sensory-friendly spaces, and personalised learning plans.

4. Increase Funding for SEND

The current funding shortfall has left schools without resources to adapt. A significant investment in SEND education is critical to ensure every child has access to appropriate support.

Hope and Action

It’s hard to share a story like this. As parents, we’re expected to trust the education system to do what’s best for our children as that’s the story we are told. When that system fails, it’s shocking, isolating and disheartening.

But change starts with conversations like these. If my story resonates with you, I encourage you to share your own experiences in the comments below. Together, we can build a community of advocates demanding a better future for our children.

Join the Conversation

If you’ve faced similar challenges navigating the SEND system, I’d love to hear your story. Let’s connect and work towards creating a more inclusive education system for all.

Please feel free to like this post!

References

1. "State of Education 2023" by IPSEA

2. "SEND Review: Right Support, Right Place, Right Time" by the Department for Education (2022)

3. "Flexi-schooling: Current Practices and Policies" by Education Endowment Foundation